Monday, February 22, 2016

Feelings and Emotions are Indicators of Where Our Heart Is

Being a girl with a sensitive heart has it's many gifts, but also can be very burdensome. A sensitive heart is such a blessing as it gives the eyes to see things differently, the heart to always be aware to not offend others, and the empathy to comfort and acknowledge when others are in pain.

This past weekend had been a hard one for me with my sensitive heart; hearing of tragedies, taking in negative energy from others, and my heart aching in behalf of a friend I care about deeply. So many things around me that break my heart and I kept taking on piece after piece until it started to pile high and I felt as if I might drown.

This morning I woke up to a text that nearly broke my heart. I got up, got ready for work and I couldn't stop thinking of why such terrible things happen to such good people. I wanted to fix it, I wanted to change it, I wanted to be in control of the ending of the story. 

I got to work with so many things weighing heavy on my heart, all I wanted to do was cry. I felt a little light missing from my spirit and gloom weighed heavily upon me. As I was trying to get work done, a co-worker I have had so much respect for in the past walked by and started making a few comments that made me feel attacked, comments that pierced my heart as if a knife had just gone straight through it. 

Wait a minute, what was happening? Why was I so offended by these words? And then it hit me. I had been trying to do everything on my own. Everything that was weighing my sensitive heart down was being carried upon my shoulders and not at the feet of the Savior. I hadn't been giving my burdens to him, I hadn't been using the atonement to the capacity I know my Savior would want and expect. He has already paid the price, so why was I letting his loving gift sit on a shelf to collect dust instead of using it?

Then I started to think about how moody I may have came across, and it was only because I felt a little bit worn and very much weary. So perhaps this co-worker didn't mean any offense to me personally and had burdens of their own, burdens they were not giving to the Savior either. Perhaps both of us were allowing Satan to influence our hearts more than Christ. Perhaps both of us were holding onto pride and power as if we were in a competition to win something so worldly that we had forgotten to look for the things that mattered most. 

Usually being offended stems from emotions of insecurity and fear. When our hearts our hardened, they grow very small and they shrink to the back of our chest, as this occurs we start to feel as if our ego is being threatened because we have lost the protection a softened and expanded heart can offer. 

It is absolutely fascinating to me that our feelings and emotions are indicators of where our hearts are at in the moment. And the beauty in this is the fact that we can then decide to make the choice to open them up and allow love to feel our lives. I can promise you that it is much more comfortable to have an open heart that is willing to give much and love whole than a shriveled heart that leaves no room for protection. 

To not take offense to the cutting words and actions of others, our hearts and minds have to be a little more Christ-centered and a little less egocentric. It's a decision that isn't ever going to be permanent, but one that we will need to make every single moment of our lives.

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