Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Why I Believe

Sometimes I don't like how open and vulnerable I am on this blog, but I have to be when God calls me to write. So my prayer is that this message is for somebody because here's some real honesty for you.

"Why do I believe what I believe?"

Sadly, this question that keeps coming up in my life over and over again. It's a question that attacks my thoughts because sometimes I think my plans are surely greater than God's and when He tells me no, my heart clings to it's greatest desires. I confessingly have moments where I think my strength is enough. I start to think I can do it all on my own and if it isn't part of God's will or desire for my life, then I can take matters into my own hands and make the deepest desires of my heart come true. Um, yeah...it doesn't work like that!

Sometimes my faith is stronger during the hard times; the times I am weak and feel I am in need of God's love and mercy the most. My faith is easier to have during the times I recognize I don't have the strength I thought I did. Its in these dark moments that I once again wake up and realize every bit of strength is from Him. Once my life seems to get a little happier or I feel a little stronger, my faith starts to shake again. Is my testimony only dependent on my constant need for God? When I don't feel I need Him for an every moment comfort from anxiety, am I still able to recognize just how much I need Him and just how much strength I don't have alone?

Admittedly, I struggle with the pride cycle just like in Helaman 4 where the Nephites who had once been living so righteously were turning away from the Lord. They started to take pride in their own strength rather than relying and rejoicing in the strength of the Lord. They began to rebel against God because of their pride believing they had all the strength they ever needed. Then what happened to them? The Lord then left them to their own strength and eventually they lost everything. Why? I suppose they underestimated their strength and God taught them a lesson by humbling them.

Every time I catch myself in the pride cycle, you would think I would learn my lesson and never go back again. I don't know why I have to be humbled over, and over, and over again to fully believe what I believe. But I do know no matter where I feel my testimony may be at, no matter what struggles or tests have to come up, I can't deny what I believe. It is fully impossible for me to deny Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I believe what I believe because I feel it, because I experience it, because I am rescued by it. Christ is everything to me. Christ is the way, the only way. I know that, I believe that, and I know happiness comes from avoiding the pride cycle as much as possible. 

Nothing in life can slightly compare to the blessings I see when I put in the work of building my faith. God wants you to focus on Him more than any other desire, once you do that, your desires really do start to fall into place. In my life, anytime I start clinging or obsessing over anything, I can't give God my all, and that's all He asks of me is to give my heart to Him. Then everything else just works for my good. (D+C 90:24) Always! Even when I start questioning my hardest trials and think "How will any good EVER come from this?" God proves it once again for my shaken and fearful heart to be reassured. 

If you want to really believe or even know why you believe, put it to the test! The more you listen to God and obey His will, the more He will prove you and the more you will WANT to obey Him. He takes the heart that we give Him, and He makes something beautiful of it, then He gives it back and we choose righteously because that ends up being our greatest desire... and that is where happiness; real and fulfilling happiness begins.

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