Tuesday, December 1, 2015
When God Says No
It felt as if time had just stood still. Nothing was changing. I wasn't seeing the changes taken place within me. In fact, worse than feeling like I just stood still, I felt like a car on a very steep hill where your foot moves too slowly from the brake pedal to the gas, that felt it literally starts sliding backwards. A Hill that had taken such a long time to climb, and here I was feeling as if I was sliding right back down. Prayers I was praying weren't being answered. Were my prayers even reaching Heaven or was my faith not strong enough to carry my words as high as was needed?
Yes, these thoughts are from recent experiences. These thoughts were hidden very deep in my soul. After some deep soul searching and prayer, these beliefs made their way to the surface and I realized what had been holding me back for so long. I believed things would stay the same forever. I believed that if someone was moving forward, it automatically meant I was moving backward. I believed that I was always going to be behind because on my own I don't have the ability to go where I so deeply desire.
After so many times, praying for what my heart so deeply yearned for, and being told no, and no, and no, over again more times than I had ever been told yes, somewhere down this journey I allowed my heart to close off and fear rejection from God. I had assumed because God was saying no, that He had no desire to bless me. My beliefs became jumbled in this process and somehow I stopped dreaming, I stopped hoping for better things to come. I expected that this was all God wanted to give me and I started to settle for this being enough, even though happiness is not a word I would use to describe the destination I was stopped at. While God sometimes gives us what we aren't asking for, He often times blesses us according to predications of our willingness to ask for those specific blessings.
No wonder I felt myself rolling down a hill, I had been asking for the wrong things at the wrong time and I didn't even bother changing my prayers or my desired blessings. I was living in a different season than Heavenly Father wanted for my life, and I somehow got stuck there because I wasn't willing to just take a few more steps toward Him.
I never want to find myself in a moment paralyzed by broken dreams. God doesn't tell us no as a rejection to us. He sometimes says no so He can redirect us to where He knows is better for us. If we don't allow ourselves to seek happiness, how can Heavenly Father possibly bless us with that joy? The principles of this gospel are based on agency, He isn't going to come running to us telling us we have to have something if we aren't going to walk towards Him first. That's the reason the door knob is on our side of the door and removed from the side Christ is standing on, it's our agency to open the door for Christ and allow Him to enter our hearts.
So what if you feel behind. Behind from expectations you set for yourself, expectations your family set for you, or expectations and pressures the world piles on top of you. You have a different course, but you will get there. And don't forget as you open your heart to Christ and you let God into your life, miracles can happen. God has the power to multiply your efforts and take you somewhere quicker than you ever dreamed was possible. While it may sometimes appear that those who are not following the standards of the gospel, are further ahead in life than you, don't forget that grace is one of the greatest gifts we have in this church and God can make up all the difference, in His time. Those not living by His word will not be ahead forever.
Trials teach us something, and those that have to endure different journeys and afflictions while patience is being tested, will be blessed with much reward. Trust in God, ask Him what He does want to bless you with. Listen for the knock Christ is constantly giving to your heart, then invite Him in. Open your heart to God's love and start asking for different things than the prayers you have been saying. Trust in Him to magnify your efforts and to help you catch up every time you ever feel behind in something or behind someone. You are enough and you are better than you think you are!
I can't afford to live my life without God's help.
God is all I have, and God is all I need.