I woke up this morning with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. A spirit that was more than willing to do anything to follow Christ and be on the Lord's side of the line. I have felt something lacking for several weeks now, the problem is I can't exactly put my finger on what that might be.
As I was contemplating on how to become more converted to the gospel and to Jesus Christ deeper than I ever had before, a few thoughts kept coming into my mind. Thoughts of things I could do to take action. If I were to act upon these actions, they would be really inconvenient and I wasn't really sure if they were necessary. I didn't feel a strong burning, I didn't feel it was a complete prompting from Heavenly Father, but as I started to ponder on it more I found myself reflecting on a question "Is it something the Savior himself would be found doing?" The answer to this question was a strong and firm YES, absolutely!! It was in that moment I knew I had to take action. It's not something that is easy, it's not something that is done everyday, and I'm still not even sure if it was a prompting from the Spirit.
But this situation taught me something. It taught me that we are capable of making good choices, Heavenly Father truly desires us to become good decision makers. Heavenly Father desires for us the ability to use our choice and accountability so we can become more like Him, which is why He asks us to study it out in our minds first like taught in D+C 9:8.
"But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."
The absolute first thing we must do is study it out! He wants us to decide. If it's a good thought without a burning feeling, He wants to know if we will treat that thought with importance. Are we willing to choose to follow our Savior and become more like him even when we are not prompted or chastised to do it?
I find myself thinking about conversion a lot. What would it be like to be Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. We talk a lot about how Heavenly Father sacrificed His only begotten son, but Mary sacrificed her son too, can you imagine how hard that must have been for her? She was willing to do absolutely anything and everything for God, for she knew where her heart lied. A converted heart is one that goes seeking for opportunities to become like Christ without receiving a gold star for every baby step taken. A heart that is willing to sacrifice everything unto the Lord no matter how treasured or inconvenient the sacrifice may be.
When I was in Young Women's, I had such an incredible leader. She made me a CD with 6 different songs on it, 6 songs that resembled how she portrayed me. I still treasure this CD. One of the songs on there was, "I'll do whatever it takes." She gave me that song because that's what she saw in me a converted heart that would do whatever it took to always stay a disciple of Jesus Christ. I think back to the little 16-year-old me often, am I still that girl she once saw? Is my heart still in line and fully converted or have I allowed any interference's to get in my way and make me forget what I am seeking?
I absolutely love these lyrics...
So after being reminded of who Heavenly Father expects me to be, I chose to act on the two very inconvenient things I felt I should do today. No it wasn't a burning in the bosom, no it wasn't this spiritual fire or ah-ha moment. It was just a thought, but a very good thought (like Moroni 7:12-13) that would lead me to deeper conversion.
If you ever have a thought and you're trying to decide if it's good or if it came from the Spirit, I would encourage you to see if you can answer yes with certainty to this question: "Is it something the Savior himself would be found doing?"
If you can, then do it!! It doesn't matter if it was your thought or a prompting from the Spirit, it is a call for you to act! No matter how inconvenient it may be, you will be blessed! It is our leaps of faith that take us to the destinations we can't even dream of.
One of my favorite blessings promised to those that are converted comes from Elder D. Todd Christopherson...
"As you become converted, you will have comparable protections to keep you from temptation and deliver you from evil. Sometimes evil will not find you. Sometimes you will be protected when evil is made invisible to you. Even when you must confront it directly, you will do so with faith, not fear."
I want that more than anything! Protection and faith to be be delivered from evil. I want to be a true disciple and follower of Jesus Christ today and every single day hereafter.