Saturday, June 20, 2015

To be as a little girl




{Picture of me as a little 3 year old}

I don't believe it was just by chance my windows were rolled down, I mean I rarely if ever have them down. I'm driving down the street and hear a little girl screaming "mommy" as she's running as fast as she can. I see the fear in her eyes as she starts to run faster and faster. It was as if I had a prompting without even recognizing that was the case in the moment, I see this black car and I just knew I needed to catch up and ask them if they had forgotten their daughter. I can't even begin to describe to you how I knew what had just happened, I certainly didn't see it happen. I can't explain how I knew which car was the one I needed to speak with, but the spirit subconsciously led me to do what needed to be done. I didn't have time to think, only to act. I got the moms attention, she rolled down her window and I asked her if she had by chance forgotten a daughter. She then yelled out "Sophia". I can't imagine the fear that struck that little girls heart. I can't comprehend what must have been going through her 5-year-old mind. 

It was the strongest awakening to me though that Heavenly Father really is in every detail of our lives. We just can't afford to forget that. There is no other possible way to describe what I felt or even the perfect timing of being where I was and reacting how I did in that moment. We can't afford to forget how much He cares and loves us. Our weaknesses can be our greatest blessings as an awakening that we can't do this without Him, if we allow them to be. Some days when I feel I have more strength and things are going so well, it can take a lot more effort on my part to remind myself of the dependency I have on the atonement. It takes so much humility for me to be able to say "Life is going great, but still I need you." When all is well, isn't it just so easy to get caught up in the "all is well" moment? 

We are nothing without Christ, he is the only way to eternal life and yet it can be so heart aching to be reminded of that constantly because of gaps and weaknesses, yet on the other hand, it can be very scary when we don't have the reminder. Either way it's going to be painful. So if I had to choose, I would choose the very painful life recognizing that Christ is walking by my side instead of feeling content and not even recognizing He is there until I break and every piece of my life falls apart. With Christ, no matter what we go through it is always held together. 

I want to trust deeper into Father's plan. I want to trust more that He knows me, He loves me, and He is in the details of my life. I will take upon pain to know Him a little more and to trust Him a little bit more courageously. 

So back to the girl. This innocent little girl recognized so full heartedly and in complete meekness that she was dependent upon her parents. She knew she wouldn't make it without them. She knew her love for them and she knew how fearful her life looked without them. I want to be like this girl... Running as fast as I can if I ever recognize that Heavenly Father as Jesus Christ aren't as close to my life and my heart as they should be. They aren't going to let you down. Sometimes we can have the desires to hide, and not ask for their input because we already know what we want. But how can we? We will spare ourselves some pain if we race back to them in every moment of every day in humble gratitude, recognizing that they are in the utmost details of our lives. 

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