Friday, May 15, 2015

Rambles from the temple parking lot

I feel like writing a free write for all of you. Not sure what will come on this post but we shall see. So  I'm sitting in the parking lot of the Oquirrh mountain temple right now, I drove here because the temple parking lot is my reflecting place. I always keep my Book of Mormon in my purse, so I pulled it out and 1 Nephi 9:5-6 caught my eye. I'm in a weird mood right now, a mood where I'm not happy, not sad, not peaceful, and not broken. I feel nothing, it's weird but I'm pretty sure that I would rather feel something, anything right now. I said a prayer on the way here, so frustrated by something in my life. Frustrated from contradictory answers received from revelation and what church leaders say.

This line in verse 5 really caught me, "for a wise purpose in him, which Purpose I know not." This is exactly how I feel. I feel like I am supposed to trust and follow his wise purpose but I have no clue why and because it makes no sense, what about everything else standing in front of me saying there is no hope? 

I don't have answers and sometimes I forget how much my Heavenly Father loves me and desires to bless me. Sometimes I get caught holding the umbrella over my head telling Heavenly a father I don't want His outpouring blessings even though my spirit is pleading for them. Why? I know not. What I do know is that God has ALL POWER, it says so in verse 6. 

So what's the point of this post? I don't know but I know the more I think about hope, the more I believe in hope. The more I push myself to pray when I really don't feel like it, the more blessings pour over my heart (and sometimes it takes FOREVER for my heart to fully open in that prayer). 

Sometimes I feel stuck. 
Sometimes I have really hard moments wondering how any good can come out of the situations I go through. 
Sometimes I have to work SO HARD at humbling myself so the Spirit can speak to me. 
Sometimes I feel weighed down. 
Sometimes I don't feel enough. 
Sometimes I plead for tender mercies or for a hand to reach out, and sometimes those prayers are answered immediately. 
Sometime I am more blessed than I deserve and sometimes I fully recognize that. 
Sometimes the Spirit speaks to my heart through posts like these. 

So I'll stop rambling on now, and if you made it to this point of this post, wow! I just want you to know how totally imperfect I am and while I strive to be more and become better daily, I am flawed but I am enough and that's all that matters. 

I want to leave you with 5 pieces of advice: 

1. If you don't feel like praying, do it anyways. Do you know how many times I don't feel like it? I'm not going to count, but prayer is what brings me to humility so Heavenly Father can speak to me, and that's what brings me peace + happiness that can't be found anywhere else. 

2. Don't EVER seek the approval of ANYONE other than Heavenly Father. Lately I've been caught in the trap wondering what others think or say about me behind my back. Does it really matter? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! A good scripture for this is Romans 8:31 "If God be for us, who can be against us?" God's approval will take you to the greatest place you can ever desire to reach. Pleasing others will never help you, it will destroy you! 

3. Remember that God keeps His promises. He loves you so much, He cares about you and desires for you to receive many blessings! He is in the details of your life, don't forget it! In the moments you think He's not aware of you, He is SO involved in your life!

4. Stop trying to find faults in others, are they there? Yes, of course. We are imperfect people but let's build one another up and assume at all times that everyone is doing the avail best that they can be doing. If they're not, that's okay. That's not our problem and Heavenly Father will take care of it as we humbly overlook it! 

5. If you are looking to obtain or recognize spiritual gifts, start practicing them because they can be developed. Remember the parable of the talents? They grow as you use them, it's a gift so put it to use to get better at what you desire! 

Well, I apologize for all the typos. I did this on my phone! I wanted to try something new and it was pretty amazing! 

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